As you might have noticed, I’ve been rather quiet this last year, and the last few months in particular. I haven’t sent many emails. I haven’t done a good job of connecting. I haven’t been active on Facebook. I haven’t even finished the new website we started.
It hasn’t been for a lack of desire. It hasn’t been for a lack of calling or purpose. And it certainly hasn’t been for a lack of telling myself that I should be doing more in each of these areas. One of my greatest fears is running out of energy. I rarely trust that I have enough motivation, and I regularly judge myself as lazy.
Yet for some reason, I kept stripping things away. I kept creating less connections. I kept going more deeply inside.
Then this last week, a client said something that resonated deeply with me. He mentioned that while a piece of him wanted to be doing more in the world right now, it felt like his soul was calling him to find a “still point” inside.
I realized that I’ve been feeling deeply torn, between the extroverted and introverted sides of myself. On the one hand, there is a piece of me that is deeply called to connect with others, to make a difference, to live my calling, and to make money for my family. It’s a piece that wants to DO.
And there’s a piece of me that is called to NOT connect with others. It wants to meditate. To sit in silence. To find the still point, deep inside. And after years of pushing, the piece that wants to BE had been demanding its due.
Does that resonate? Can you relate?
If so, I have a confession. I recently saw the movie Moana with our family. A nice little Disney flick. Something cute for the kids.
I bawled my way through it. Great, heaving sobs. Because it spoke to so deeply to this conflict that’s been tearing at me.
If you haven’t seen it yet, here’s a clip that speaks to Moana and how she experienced her calling.
Some of the lyrics:
Who am I?
I am the girl who loves my island
I’m the girl who loves the sea
It calls me
I am the daughter of the village chief
We are descended from voyagers
Who found their way across the world
They call me
I’ve delivered us to where we are
I have journeyed farther
I am everything I’ve learned and more
Still it calls me
And the call isn’t out there at all
It’s inside me
It’s like the tide, always falling and rising
I will carry you here in my heart
You’ll remind me
That come what may, I know the way
I am Moana!
We are all called to be of service. We are all called to something More. This calling yearns to DO – to make an impact in the world. Yet it’s sourced from inside – from the still point that just IS.
These two sides of our calling come from the same source. So our calling shows up like a tide – always falling and rising. There are waves of extroversion and waves of introversion. Periods of service and periods of stillness.
The key is to get clear on your intention – your willingness to grow and to be well used. To hold that as your compass.
And then cooperate with EVERYTHING that shows up – the periods of doing and then being, of learning and then teaching, of listening and then speaking, of retreating and then connecting – even when it doesn’t look the way you think it “should.”
I hope that helps. How did this connect? Was it valuable? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experience of your calling and how it shows up for you.
Sending my best!
Love and light,